Home Family The Messy Spouse’s Guide to Barely Surviving the Kitchen

The Messy Spouse’s Guide to Barely Surviving the Kitchen

by victoriavadenking
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messy spouse

Now, before you raise an eyebrow, let me tell you that dish piling isn’t a bad habit; it’s an underrated art form.

If there were a Dish Piling Olympics, this messy spouse already brought home the gold.

In our household, dish piling is not a sign of sloppiness or procrastination, but another check on my “wife duties list.”

I’m not ashamed, I let dishes pile up.

The piling of dishes is a reality in a home filled with three active kids and two adults (and two fur kids).

There are breakfast dishes, lunch dishes, snack dishes, dinner dishes… the list goes on.

Before you know it, you’ve got a leaning tower of Pisa in your sink.

Does it make said list more chaotic?

Yes, and I’m okay with that!

This post is all about life as a messy spouse.

Victoria Vaden admits being a messy spouse caused a lot of marital strife, washing dishes next to her husband.
Admittedly, being a messy spouse caused a lot of marital strife in the beginning.

The Dirty Dish Dilemma: A Recipe for Domestic Discontent

I have learned to embrace dish piling because I’ve realized it’s okay to not have everything in perfect order all the time.

Let’s not forget, life is not a perfectly curated Instagram feed, and that’s okay.

And honestly, who knew there were so many unwritten rules about washing dishes?

I mean, is organizing dirty dishes just to wash them in the “proper order” really going to extend my lifespan?

Years ago, I stumbled upon an article titledShe Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes in the Sink.”

And it affected how I personally viewed myself and the marital duties as a wife to my husband.

It sparked lively heated discussions on household chores and who’s responsible for what.

My husband and I made a pact to split the kitchen duties right down the middle (yep, 50:50).

So, yes, the love of my life also has a husband duties list.

I know, groundbreaking stuff, right?

wife duties list

How I Found Bliss in Mundane Tasks

But let’s get real here.

After nine years of wedded bliss, some self-reflection, and a healthy dose of self-love, I’ve had a dishwashing epiphany.

I used to dread it like a root canal appointment, but now?

The real game-changer is that marvelous invention called the dishwasher.

Can I get an “amen?”

Marriage is a journey of growth and compromise.

And along the way, I’ve learned to appreciate the delicate dance of sharing household responsibilities.

Admittedly, as a type-A, independent woman who had “adulting” down to a science, graduating a year before my dear husband, I was okay with fulfilling the stereotypical 70-80% of household chores.

Except for the dishes — that’s where I drew the line.

Now, if you’re the stereotypically clean wife who keeps a spick and-span house, nothing in my post will make any sense to you.

And that’s fine because I know you’ll keep reading (or lovingly judging) anyway.

wife duties list

Unapologetically Unclean Tales From the Sink

Personally speaking, I struggled with self-doubt and negative self-talk since seventh grade.

And growing up, I didn’t have chores aside from keeping my bed made and room clean (even if that meant just sweeping things under the rug, or bed for that matter).

Is that an excuse for being an unorganized mom and messy spouse now that I have my own children?

Well…here’s a thought.

Shouldn’t we expect every grown-up to be able to handle their own tax returns?

Here’s another one.

Is it okay for me to raise an eyebrow at the whopping 87% of folks who can’t balance a checkbook?

It’s a bit mind-boggling, isn’t it?

Only 13% of people can balance a checkbook these days.

And get this, only a quarter of Americans under 40 know how to mail a letter.

And don’t even get me started on cursive writing.

Most of Gen Z wouldn’t know a cursive ‘Z’ if it was the million-dollar question on Survivor.

wife is messy

The Paper Plate Predicament of Self Doubt

Welcome to the joyous journey of discovering seemingly effortless “womanly chores” without any prior teaching.

It was like stepping into a magical land of self-imposed judgment and the sweet symphony of self-doubt echoing in my mind with every dirty dish I encountered.

Naturally, my options were as delightful as they were environmentally friendly: toss away the dirty dishes, and join the paper products party (hello, Earth’s pollution!).

Or simply watch in awe as the pile of dishes grew taller and taller, an impressive monument to my newfound expertise in dish piling.

It was an arduous task turning those once-negative inner thoughts into something more enlightening, all in the name of dish mismanagement.

It took several years of mental gymnastics to shift my focus from the untidy plates to the underlying reasons they were dirty in the first place.

Each dirty dish represents precious memories we create around the dinner table—

The infectious laughter, the heartfelt shared stories, and the unconditional love that fills our humble abode.

So, let the dishes bear witness to the joyous moments we’ve experienced and become the silent storytellers of our family’s daily affairs.

wife duties list

The Biblical Bubbles of Sink Prayers and Spiritual Suds

The Bible definitely has a thing or two to say about being diligent in managing our homes, and let me just say, I’ve been striving and struggling to live up to those standards.

I’m armed with a sponge and a determined spirit, ready to tackle those towering stacks of dirty dishes.

As a mom of three kids, life never goes as planned (and neither do the things on my wife duties list).

Bubbles flying, plates slipping, and the occasional splash that leaves me looking like a drowned rat.

But amidst the chaos, it’s a reminder that even in the midst of my mini circus, there’s a greater purpose.

Who knew that conquering a mountain of Rae Dunn could hold such profound spiritual implications?

(The dishwasher just makes it a little sparklier, and I’m grateful for that.)

But hey, if cleanliness is truly next to godliness, then I’m on the express train to heavenly heights, one soapy bubble at a time.

I’ve come to realize that perhaps godliness isn’t solely about maintaining a spotless kitchen.

It’s about the love, patience, and resilience that we pour into each task, porcelain or not.

Sure, my in-laws and my own parents scoff at the unorganized life I’m displaying for my children.

But as a mom, I strive to be a role model for my kids, showing them the importance of perseverance and determination.

Through the very mundane yet essential act of bringing a touch of heaven to the kitchen sink, I’m teaching my kids the value of never giving up and pushing through.

And hopefully, inspiring them with the belief that even the smallest tasks can hold profound significance.

wife duties list

Unveiling the Secrets of the Wife Duties List

What is a wife duties list?

It’s basically a “honey-do” list, and honestly, everyone’s to-do list looks a little different.

And in the grand lottery of household chores, I drew the short straw and ended up as the official dish-washer.

But, despite my snail-paced quest to become an organized mom, I cherish my husband for never judging me for putting the plates backward in the dishwasher.

And when I see my husband eagerly diving into the colossal pile of cookie crumbles beneath cups and plates, there’s an irresistible urge to up my game.

Two years ago, I decided to start a femininity journey and finally perfect the act of submitting to my husband, which is all but fading away in today’s society (read about it here).

No more memories of “Mommy is always tired,” while Daddy frolics in the yard making unforgettable moments with our tiny humans.

We are teaching our kids the value of sharing responsibilities and cleaning up the messes we all create.

Together, we’re rewriting the family narrative, one dish at a time.

messy spouse, victoria vaden hugging one-year-old son

The Utensil Uproar of Tiny Hands

Here’s a secret to surviving the post-meal mayhem.

I treat it as a game – one that doesn’t require perfection, but patience.

The aim is not to have an empty sink at all times but to ensure I’m not losing my sanity in the process.

The trick to masking life as a messy spouse is turning each chore into a manageable task.

Instead of trying to tackle the mountain all at once, wash a few dishes in between playing hide and seek.

Dishwashing with my mischievous one-year-old son who sees the dishwasher as the ultimate playground is a feat in itself.

But, in the paranoia of him handling forks and knives, I pause for a moment and realize that he’s actually handing them to me.

My son’s perceived wake of destruction is unintentionally him lending a hand in the dishwashing process.

It’s like having a tiny assistant with questionable judgment, but hey, it’s the thought that counts.

In this seemingly aggravating task, I’ve learned the importance of asking for accepting help, sharing the load, and finding appreciation in the smallest moments.

I’m allowing my little one to learn responsibility, teamwork, and the value of lending a helping hand.

Who knew that a dishwasher could be such a profound lesson in life?

my wife is messy

This post was all about accepting life as a messy spouse.

Our society often paints an unrealistic picture of motherhood – one that involves a flawless mom effortlessly maintaining a spotless home.

But reality begs to differ.

Just because you’ve tied the knot with someone who’s a bit messy, doesn’t mean your wife is aiming for a life of grime and clutter.

After all, when you said ‘I Do’, you had your own handful of quirks and hidden skeletons, right?

Don’t worry, I’ll admit it for you, so keep in mind that NO ONE’S wife was born with a dish mop in her hand.

Here are a few related posts you might enjoy:

Moms, it’s okay to have dishes in your sink.

It’s okay to be an unorganized mom.

Remember, it’s not about how clean your kitchen is, but how full your hearts are.

Your dirty dishes represent memories of meals shared, stories exchanged, and love served.

As moms, we’re not just managing households, we’re nurturing futures.

For more on the art of dish piling and other ‘lazy wife’ adventures, follow me on Instagram.

Stay messy, stay joyful, and stay you!

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victoria vaden

a diaper duties mom blog


victoria vaden king

Victoria Vaden

Original YouTuber when ‘viral’ was just a flu symptom. My English degree qualified me to tell stories (the good kind). So, I'm sharing the not-so-normal reality of motherhood and marriage.

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DYEM is for the not-so-perfect, spit-up-stained, smile-through-anything moms out there looking for sanity. Motherhood is messy and full of mistakes. You'll find plenty of that here.

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