When you’re in the dating pool, everyone assumes that your married sex life will be the same as your honeymoon night.
That is until you move in together, buy your first home, have a child, or two, or three, experience the loss of a parent, move across the country, navigate in-law relationships…should I continue?
Sex or the lack of it has the potential to break a marriage or cause unfathomable dissatisfaction is sex.
Not what you were expecting?
Let’s dig deeper into a purposely secretive reality.
This post is all about married sex life.
As every relationship starts, everything looks and feels great!
There’s a fantastic connection, conversations with the person you love are easy and fun, you both look forward to seeing each other, and there are very few, if any, arguments.
When you first get together, your married sex life is amazing, you’re both insatiable and things (read sex), seem perfect.
However, once you both get used to each other, and over time, things start to look a little bit different.
The children come, finances take center stage in the marriage, there’s suddenly double the amount of housework to do, and responsibilities to friends and family to attend to.
Unfortunately, while all these can look like normal issues we go through on a day-to-day basis, if we don’t talk about them early on, they have the potential to build into stress that results in a disconnect in our marriages, and consequently, a sexless marriage.
The truth is that for most of us a satisfying married sex life is one of the prerequisites of a happy marriage.
Sex is not only a want for us to enjoy, but an act that is beneficial to us psychologically, physiologically, and emotionally.
If you’re living in a sexless marriage, it could be due to one of the three reasons we list below:
1. Neither Of You Is Making An Effort
Desire and passion ultimately depend on effort on both sides of the partner.
You can always tell when your husband, wife, or partner is into you, and when they don’t put in the effort, the relationship can feel empty with a lingering sense of disconnect between both partners.Â
At this point, both partners have forgotten about dating each other and making each other feel as if they count.
Of course, there’s a kind of familiarity you want to experience with your partner all the time, but when familiarity turns into laziness or complacency, then there’s a bigger problem to deal with.
For most people, this can lead to a lack of connection and passion.Â
If you’d like to find a way out of a sexless marriage, you have to put effort into building and maintaining a strong connection with your partner.
Remember that this doesn’t count if you’re only doing it right before you have sex.
What most people don’t know is that you have to build a connection before you get to the bedroom.Â
A good sex life starts in the mind so make sure you and your partner have conversations that have nothing to do with any of the common stresses in your life.
A good place to start would be a sexy text to your partner during their lunch break, a thoughtful gift, or spending more time with them.
A passionate kiss before you leave for work is also a good place to start.
2. Tell Your Partner What You Want
Here’s the thing: our partners aren’t mind-readers, and if we expect them to do certain things for us, we should be ready to tell them what we want.
Some of the things we might experience because of not being able to say what we want include emotional vacancy, a disconnection of partners, and dishonesty during sex.
Some issues you and your partner can talk about include when they don’t last long enough for you to reach an orgasm.
In most cases, they might finish when you’re just getting started, which might lead to sexual frustration on your part.
If this is a common occurrence in your married sex life, you have to be careful about how you bring up such a conversation because your partner might misconstrue your concern for failure on their part.Â
If this is what has contributed in part to your sexless marriage, you should be honest with your partner about what works for you and what doesn’t.
Extend the same grace for them to be honest with you too.
Discuss what brings you happiness and satisfaction in the bedroom as this will help you create an intimate, trusting bond with each other.Â
Remember that generalizations will not help in any way.
You have to get specific about what you want more or less of, what’s working, and what’s not working.
3. Get Rid Of Distractions
There are too many things we allow to replace the intimacy and consequently, the connection with our partners.
Maybe you’re constantly checking out your social media or catching up with your favorite TV program.
Other things that can replace intimacy include work, different activities, and even porn.
When these things take away time from your partner, this means you’re not making an effort to show them that you want them.
Ultimately, this could lead to a sexless marriage.
It’s ok to have interests and hobbies away from your partner, but you start to have issues when you aren’t making room in your life for your partner.
When you’re with your partner, put away all items that might create distractions from your partner.
Remember that if your partner isn’t meeting your needs, you might feel the temptation to find satisfaction elsewhere.
Before you reach the point of no return, it’s important to be very honest with yourself.
Search your soul and talk to your partner about your feelings.
If it’s something you can overcome. Get help for it.
Remember that affairs are fleeting and often lead to lots of pain and regrets.
If you’re watching porn and would rather masturbate than be intimate with your partner, you might be struggling with an addiction or are simply putting up walls between you and your partner.
Whatever it is, it’s vital to find a way to resolve the issue rather than string your partner along.
This post was all about married sex life.
Just because your married sex life is missing a few essentials doesn’t mean you have to endure a sexless marriage.
As long as you have the will and resolve to overcome various issues with your spouse.
It might take a while to get your sex life to where it was at the beginning, but everything will come together with effort and patience.
If you enjoyed this post, click here to read more for wife life advice, and make sure to follow us on Instagram to see our behind-the-scenes life as a family of seven!
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- How to Respect Your Husband by Letting Him Lead (Even If He Doesn’t Know How)
- 7 Toxic Marriage Traits to Quit So You Can Be A Better Wife
