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How I Went From Hot and Bothered to I Have No Desire for My Husband

by victoriavadenking
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I have no desire for my husband

Picture it: 2015. The world was a simpler place.

We were all wearing Uggs and listening to Taylor Swift’s 1989 album.

And me? Well, I was experiencing something I never thought I would.

“I have no desire for my husband.”

It was like I had woken up one day and all the lovey-dovey feelings I had for him had just vanished.

But instead of blaming it on my annoying husband’s chewing habits or him blowing his nose in the kitchen, I realized that the culprit was birth control.

Specifically, the Depo-Provera shot. And boy did that little injection pack a punch.

This post is all about how I have no desire for my husband.

I have no desire for my husband
To this day, I cannot believe it took 18 months to realize what was going on in our marriage.

Disclaimer: Please note that I am not a healthcare provider, and nothing in this post or on this site should ever replace the advice of a medical professional – I’m simply sharing my story because I felt alone experiencing this and didn’t want anyone else to feel the same way.

I Want to Love My Husband But I Can’t

I went from a woman who couldn’t keep her hands off her man to someone who couldn’t even stand the way he folded the towels.

It was like a switch had been flipped, and my desire for him had gone into hiding.

But don’t worry, we’re still happily married, and I’m not secretly pining for some other guy (spoiler alert).

Let’s go way back as I set the stage for our story today.

I started taking Depo Provera back in 2015 after giving birth to our first child, Mya.

At the time, my husband and I were newlyweds and new parents, so we assumed our constant bickering was just due to the stress of it all.

Boy, were we wrong!

It turns out my birth control was playing a big role in how “I have no desire for my husband” became a daily mantra.

I have no desire for my husband
Sexual desire and intimacy felt like a chore to me.

I Love My Husband, But I’m Not Sexually Attracted to Him

If we’re being candid – marriage isn’t always a walk in the park.

Even when you’re madly in love with someone, there are times when the spark just isn’t there.

And for me, that was the case with my husband.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore him with every fiber of my being.

He’s my best friend, my confidante, and the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

The man I married was still as handsome as ever, but for some reason, my body just wasn’t interested.

It was like my libido had gone on a permanent vacation to Cabo while leaving my husband behind in the cold, harsh reality of our everyday lives.

I couldn’t stand the sound of anything my husband did, and it made it nearly impossible for us to be intimate.

It was a tough pill to swallow, but for whatever reason, my body just wasn’t responding to him the way it used to.

Depo Provera Birth Control: My TERRIBLE Experience
Victoria Vaden on Depo Provera Almost Ruined My Marriage

How to Get Your Sex Drive Back while on Birth Control

So, you’re probably wondering exactly how to get your sex drive back while on birth control.

Well, my husband and I had to force ourselves to spend time together.

(Sounds dramatic, I know.)

But we found that doing things we both enjoyed helped us reconnect and reignite that spark.

And oddly enough, one of the things we both enjoyed was house hunting.

There’s something about looking at properties and imagining a future together that just gets the juices flowing, you know?

But beyond house hunting, there are other things you can do to get your sex drive back.

For one, talk to your doctor about alternative forms of birth control that might work better for your body.

And don’t be afraid to try new things in the bedroom – communication and experimentation are key.

And remember, it’s okay to take things slow and focus on intimacy and connection before jumping back into the sheets.

I have no desire for my husband
Outwardly, we looked like a great couple…until we got home, and I wanted nothing to do with him.

Why Am I So Turned Off By My Husband?

I remember sitting at work one day, scrolling through my million and one photos of my husband and baby girl, and feeling absolutely nothing.

Not a single flutter, not a single tingle, not a single desire “down there.”

It was like my body had gone on strike, and I had no idea why.

I mean, my sister had been taking Depo Provera for 20 years with no issues.

Why couldn’t I be like her and have a “normal” experience with this birth control?

No, I was stuck with a medication that made me want to avoid my husband at all costs.

I have no desire for my husband
Things were great until I gave birth and everything changed.

When You Can’t Feel the Love Tonight

But then, out of nowhere, I heard a voice.

And no, it wasn’t the voice of reason or anything like that.

It was literally God whispering in my ear.

And let me tell you, if God didn’t put the idea in my head, I would’ve continued blaming my husband for something he didn’t do.

(Mind you, I’d already gone 18 months thinking nothing was wrong.)

And that’s when it clicked – it was my birth control.

I don’t know how or why, but somehow God knew that I needed a wake-up call.

When you’re on birth control, it’s easy to blame everything on your partner.

But sometimes, it’s not their fault.

So if you’re feeling turned off by your husband, take a step back and ask yourself if it might be your birth control.

And if you’re still not sure, talk to your doctor.

I have no desire for my husband
Marriage takes time and effort, and we still participate in marriage conferences to strengthen us as one.

Before You Divorce, Read the Terms and Conditions

If my experience with Depo-Provera has taught me anything, it’s that birth control can be a tricky little devil.

And while loss of sexual desire might not be a common side effect, it can still happen.

That’s why it’s so important to speak with your healthcare provider before making any decisions about birth control.

And let’s be real here – we all know that the pamphlet that comes with your medication is basically the Holy Bible.

So read it, understand it, and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

I have no desire for my husband
I used to hate doing chores, but while on the shot, I was cleaning out the oven to avoid sleeping with him.

Why Is My Wife Not Interested In Me Sexually?

Listen up, fellas – if you’re scratching your head wondering why your wife’s not feeling the love down there, I’ve got some news for you.

You’re not the only one!

In fact, most of the DMs I get are from husbands who are desperate for answers.

Even if your wife is acting like she’d rather spend the night with the cat than you, be patient and understanding.

And whatever you do, don’t jump to conclusions and assume that it’s all your fault.

Your wife might be feeling a ton of emotions (or maybe no emotions at all – I mean, I literally laughed it off when my husband first brought up the issue!).

Instead, have an honest conversation with your lady and encourage her to talk to her healthcare provider about other options.

Or, consider seeking out some marital counseling.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, but hear me out.

Admittedly, it didn’t feel like counseling was working while I was on Depo-Provera, but the best advice we got was actually to go house hunting (as mentioned earlier).

Sometimes it’s the little things that can make all the difference.

And remember, things will get better – just hang in there and keep the faith (and maybe bring home some flowers and chocolate just in case).

I have no desire for my husband
When I got off birth control (entirely), we conceived our second child

How My Husband Survived My Birth Control Meltdown

And if you’re feeling like you’re all alone in this, just remember that you’re not.

The comments section of my YouTube video about this topic still gets heartbreaking comments to this day.

There are women (and men) out there going through the same thing as you, and it’s okay to feel lost or confused.

But here’s the good news – it can get better.

My husband is the most patient man on earth, and I’m grateful every day that he waited through the Depo-Provera madness with me.

No matter how many times I yelled thinking “I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore” — he still stayed.

He didn’t get angry, judge me, or hold it against me (even though I still apologize to him for the way I acted toward him).

Keep the lines of communication open, be patient, and know that things can and will get better.

I have no desire for my husband
Now, we have three beautiful kids together (and never divorced)

This post was about how I have no desire for my husband.

Well, folks, that’s all I’ve got for you on the topic of birth control and desire (or lack thereof).

Depo-Provera might have turned me into the opposite of a nymphomaniac, but it taught me a lot about my relationship and my body.

And it also gave me a newfound appreciation for the sound of my husband’s chewing.

(Okay, not really, but you get the point.)

If you’re feeling like you still have questions or just need to vent, feel free to slide into my DMs on Instagram – I’m always down for a good chat about the highs and lows of birth control (and life in general).

But before I go, I want to point you in the direction of another post I wrote about becoming a submissive wife as an independent woman.

I know, I know – it might seem like a bit of a leap from the topic of birth control. But trust me, it all comes full circle.

As the effects of Depo-Provera began to wear off, my husband and I actually grew even closer and I embraced the idea of submission.

Whether it’s finding a new birth control or exploring the world of submission, there’s always a way to make things work.

If my journey has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes the biggest changes come from the most unexpected places.

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victoria vaden

a diaper duties mom blog


victoria vaden king

Victoria Vaden

Original YouTuber when ‘viral’ was just a flu symptom. My English degree qualified me to tell stories (the good kind). So, I'm sharing the not-so-normal reality of motherhood and marriage.

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DYEM is for the not-so-perfect, spit-up-stained, smile-through-anything moms out there looking for sanity. Motherhood is messy and full of mistakes. You'll find plenty of that here.

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