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5 Reasons Why Gentle Parenting Isn’t Working for You

by victoriavadenking
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gentle parenting

I’m sure you’ve heard of gentle parenting and why it has become the “preferred parenting style.” But as every parent knows, parenting is hardly one size fits all. Here are five reasons why gentle parenting just may not be right for you. But first, what exactly does gentle parenting even mean?

What is parenting?

Positive parenting, peaceful parenting, mindful parenting, and connection-based parenting all require gentle parenting. These have different names, but they all mean the same thing.

The secure attachment theory serves as the foundation for gentle parenting, which is a type of authoritative parenting. Authoritarian parenting is an evidence-based parenting style that is highly responsive, nurturing, and has firm boundaries.

Under the umbrella of authoritative parenting, children’s feelings and opinions are validated and heard in gentle parenting and the parent responds to these. When a parent establishes firm boundaries and guidelines for their child, they validate the child’s emotions while also maintaining the boundaries.

This post is all about gentle parenting.

gentle parenting

Gentle parenting is based on the premise that children learn more from what we do than what we say. As a result, gentle parenting avoids using shame as a form of punishment or hitting to discipline the child.

Gentle parenting employs logical consequences, communication, and problem-solving as forms of discipline. However, this parenting style may be challenging to establish and in this blog, we shall discover why.

1. It Might Not Be Clear with Limits and Boundaries

Some parents are disturbed to learn about the negative and toxic effects of parenting based on criticism, negativity, and fear. This is frequently what motivates them to seek out new methods of disciplining a child, and they take an interest in their child’s well-being and choose to be more intentional in their approach.

Setting firm limits with respect is a cornerstone of positive parenting, and it’s easy to become wishy-washy with the limits part of the equation while ‘feeling out’ the re-spect part of the equation.

If your child is constantly pushing the boundaries, make sure expectations are laid out for specific situations and do your best to exude confidence when enforcing limits and boundaries.

2. It Underestimates the Huge Power of Connection

Your relationship with your child is the most significant positive parenting tip. It’s easy to overlook the significance of this fundamental concept and push devoting time and energy to strengthening your relationship to the back burner of your to-do list.

Sharing experiences and spending time being truly present with each other, make the foundations of relationship and connection. When it feels like your positive parenting isn’t working, be even more intentional about setting aside electronics, so that you are truly present with your child and truly enter into their world to connect with their heart. Cooperation is facilitated by connection.

gentle parenting

3. It Takes Behaviors Personally

Your child is a self-contained human being with unique needs. Due to the strong emotional connection with you, they will behave in ways that trigger you. When disciplining a child, remember that your child’s behaviors are a reflection of their needs at the time, not of your parenting.

Maintain your trust in the process of positive parenting throughout your child’s behavioral ups and downs by modeling respectful communication and limit setting.

4. It Can Allow Outside Opinions to Influence Your Actions

Positive discipline is not yet the norm, and others may not be shy about voicing their displeasure with your more respectful approach. When you first embark on this journey, it’s easy to let criticism and questions from those around you infiltrate your thinking and your behaviors.

This reproach normally comes from the older generation who believe in the cane and harsh disciplinary measures. Their comments and lectures can result in you being inconsistent or lacking a follow-through in the approach you have chosen.

Recognize when negative thinking takes over and remind yourself that you are the only one who knows what is best for your child, even if it is not what is easiest at the time.

This is one of the biggest contributors to the failure of gentle parenting. It is because instead of parents focusing on what they deem the best way to deal with their children, they put more emphasis on outside voices.

5. It Pursues Control

Positive discipline aims to help a child develop an internal compass for what is right and wrong. It’s very easy to nag, use physical force, and coerce children to improve their behavior at the moment, but how will they learn to make good choices when you’re not there?

It’s aggravating when your child refuses to listen when you’re trying to get them out the door. Every human being craves control, and it takes a lot of patience and intention to step back and help your child flex their muscles of good decision-making and communication skills.

It all boils down to accepting that you cannot always control your child or any other human being. You may be able to give it you’re all for the next 18 years, but it will come at the expense of your relationship and your child’s emotional well-being.

Even if it takes an extra two minutes, your child will always respond better to a positive collaborative statement when it comes to getting out the door in the morning. Stop, acknowledge your need for control, and take a deep breath.

gentle parenting

Is Gentle Parenting Right for You?

Positive, peaceful, mindful, and connection-based parenting are all aspects of gentle parenting. The foundation of gentle parenting is a type of authoritative parenting.

This authoritarian parenting is a style of parenting that is responsive and nurturing while also establishing firm boundaries. When a parent establishes firm boundaries and guidelines for his or her child, the parent validates the child’s emotions while also enforcing the boundaries.

If you see your child pushing against boundaries, feeling frustrated, and expressing their frustration by hitting or shoving, what they need from you is not punishment but rather help them understand that their behavior is inappropriate.

As a result, if you’re having trouble implementing gentle parenting, the reasons listed above could be to blame. Be conscious about improving your relationship with your children by focusing on addressing the above problematic areas.

Most of all, be firm about the type of parenting style you wish to use even if others don’t understand it. Good luck!

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a diaper duties mom blog


victoria vaden king

Victoria Vaden

Original YouTuber when ‘viral’ was just a flu symptom. My English degree qualified me to tell stories (the good kind). So, I'm sharing the not-so-normal reality of motherhood and marriage.

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DYEM is for the not-so-perfect, spit-up-stained, smile-through-anything moms out there looking for sanity. Motherhood is messy and full of mistakes. You'll find plenty of that here.

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