Humans are designed to desire deep connections. The journey itself is an expression of humanity and the need for a life partner. And like any journey, there are ups and downs, especially in pursuit of the one.
If you’re still scratching your head why your relationship didn’t make it past the honeymoon phase, here are 9 dating mistakes you’ll want to avoid.
Here are 9 dating mistakes you’re probably making.
1. Dating only one person
Here’s the thing, if the relationship isn’t exclusive, there’s no point in pouring all of your energy onto one person. If they aren’t focused on you, why should you?
You have to learn the difference between being in a relationship and dating because these are two different elements.
When you’re actively dating, you set your mind to meet, learn about, and vet the person you’re with.
When you date multiple people in this process, you’re able to prevent yourself from attaching too much to someone and have experience of different situations.
2. You’ve decided a date will automatically turn into a relationship
Now, this is where unmet expectations come from. Not all the people you agree to go on a date with are potential life partners.
Rather than setting up your mind that it’s a long-term relationship or nothing else, change your mindset into making a worthwhile connection.
This could be someone you want to see again, and not necessarily be in a long-term relationship. If anything, building a relationship takes time and you want to make sure that you have the right person in your life
3. You don’t lay down your expectations or goals
We know it’s cliché, but if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Most people are in the habit of dating with no intent or goal to lead them.
This is called passive dating. You sit patiently waiting for someone to show some interest in you then jump into whatever it is they were creating for themselves.
Rather than doing this, it would be best to visualize your ideal relationship.
This will help you vet future partners and see which one of your dates or potential partners matches that idea. Not only this, but you avoid confusion and have clarity around your dating life.
4. Waiting until you see the ‘sign’
Unfortunately, most people think they can’t be in a relationship until everything in their life is in order.
Whether it’s getting the perfect job, getting your self-confidence back, or losing a few pounds, all these external factors shouldn’t dictate when or not you should be in a relationship. Life is a journey and there will always be something to gain or lose.
Even if you have imperfections, it’s ok to let them shine through as you make an effort to improve yourself every day.
Rather than waiting for everything to fall into place, allow your dating life to flourish. Who knows, someone might admire who you are and who you’re committed to becoming.
5. Depending on only one method of dating
Just because online dating is the coolest thing on the block doesn’t mean it’ll work for you. Don’t focus all your energy on the dating app you signed up for last week. As far as we know, it’s still ok to meet people the old-fashioned way.
And, if your friends set you up, the better because they’re making your work that much easier. Explore all the options you have rather than shutting yourself off one option.
Remember that by exploring different avenues, you increase your chances of getting a suitable connection.
6. You’re dating for the wrong reasons
Before you go on that date or swipe left or right, ask yourself one question, ‘why am I doing this?’ If it’s because you don’t want to be alone, then you really shouldn’t be dating.
When people can see how uncomfortable you are being alone, they see you as ‘needy’ and that’s not an attractive trait to have.
When you start to force connections, you freely give your power away and may end up losing yourself in the process. Own your power and live your authentic self.
7. You invite too much negative energy
If your goal is to be in a happy, healthy relationship, you can’t achieve that if you think about yourself negatively.
Some examples of having negative thoughts about yourself include thinking, ‘I’m not attractive’, ‘I don’t have much money’, ‘no one loves you’, ‘and I’m too fat’.
These kinds of thoughts will eat away at your self-confidence. While you drag yourself down, you put the other person on a pedestal, which marks the beginning of an unhealthy relationship no one can maintain.
8. You’re too ‘self-focused’
We know you want to make a lasting impression on your date. However, talking too much about yourself will come off as vain or being self-focused.
You want to learn as much about your date as they know about you so don’t keep the conversation one-sided.
Allow back-and-forth interactions to occur by asking a question, letting your date answer, then contributing a little about something relatable. Allow your date to do the same so you’re not hogging the entire conversation.
9. You talk about the future too early
The aim of dating is to gradually get to know someone.
Talking about the color of your wedding dress, how many children you want to have, or the ideal honeymoon spot deprives you of the chance to explore what you like or don’t like about the other person.
Simply be present during your date and enjoy your time as you would with a friend.
This post was all about dating mistakes to avoid this year.
We’re taught that we have to change ourselves to be the ‘perfect’ partner. However, this isn’t true at all. Improving is ok, but turning ourselves into who we aren’t can make us lose our authenticity.
Dating is already a confusing game of chess, and it isn’t easy to tell when you’re making a mistake. Even so, you don’t have to worry because we’ve got your back.
Now that you know what mistakes you should avoid during dating, it’s time to practice. Be mindful of your emotions or how a potential partner could interpret your actions during the first few days of dating. We know you can do it!
Other posts you may like:
- How to Set Boundaries in Dating
- What to Expect After Moving In Together Now That You’re Married
- How To Date Your Spouse
2 comments
You point out so many good reasons here, love this post!
Thank you! That really means a lot.